Her heart stopped

                                          Siddhartha knew how to think, wait and fast

1.

The train lulled him into the news

after having cut communication

literally

His home being across the ocean

seven hours later

On a train where one couldn’t stop

and go back 

there was no point but to continue

to ride along

the river of the souls

The train lulled and framed the passage

of presence without time

past and future, desire and promise

all mingled and floating

inside

while their bodies were conduced

away from the tunnel of maybe

and into the writhing of the river

He had to think his way through, sober

Open to what his sole (soul) being was telling him

He had to wait (he had to)

just be an optimist

just be

And fast-

fast wasn’t the tempo of the ride

The beauty and the sameness

Their humble place before it all

Colors, and a magnitude of life

which they could never encompass

in all of their creations together

Their significance and their insignificance

all at once

except they couldn’t apprehend it all

We only let in some (atisbos)

All at once we would explode

so we master the art of leaving

like the river

2.

It was their loneness

which brought them together

two rivers diluting in each other

It wasn’t loneliness

it was only that they were alone

(tan solo estaban solos)

There are never answers

only tunnels and possibilities

There are cycles and repetitions-

Opportunities to return-

Opportunities sometimes lost

Yet a hand, an embrace, should never be denied

                                    -clouds and trees and a clacking hill

energy travels in an eliptical way

that is why the return is eternal

back to the train-

sounds of violent times

savage

the echo of death and loss

the echo that touched them

Death, sex, fear and the impossibilities

- the darkness - of love

3.

A heart stopped on the other side of the ocean

(cut communication left only echoes)

Mesa Verde was Silence

Reality was now

Through the speed of an engine

they would be back to reality

reality that was and is

except

it would never be the same

He made things happen

(He was blessed and damned

like all the rest)

4.

Then, all that was left

was the lulling

the passage of the train

the water

the return

Floating like the river

with its source and its power

Floating, waiting

becoming

liquid

(fasting)

till the end of it all

ANOTHER HEALING POEM

You trespassed the limits of my trust.
You were the father, I, the daughter.
For each, we were one and the other.
You were the one who broke the universe
existent between me & my mother.
With fear and shame
                                  and anger
I told her you were really the other.
You told her I was a liar
and forced her to believe you
by threatening with departing.
After that I even thought,
maybe I just imagined
You telling me, "Let me touch
you there." There, where
it hurt. The blossoming
of my being mujer-
After that I never quite
trusted
my memories.
And I buried my feelings
deep in silence.
Beating myself.
Marrying someone who
would do the ego-beating/
soul-pecking for me.
Reinforce the hate I felt
towards my own self.
My molested self, my
invaded self, my denied
self.
I wasn't one or the other.
I had been left out
by my father & my mother.
I must have been evil.
I must have been ugly.
I must have been full
                               of errores
                               -¡horrores!

I wake up today
with a child within my belly.
And try to find the forgiveness,
the love I'm supposed to feel.
After all, you are my father.
Now, I am one.
Not any more, you, the other.
At some time you must have found
a place to hide your hunger.
A space to fly away
               from your thunder
of memories you denied
but welled up from yonder.
No tears are left shining.
No pity, no ponder.
There once was a man,
there once was his daughter.
Sadness is left to wander.
He lost and might not even know it.
She told. And told. And told.
And continues to tell.
The cleaning
        /healing clatter of words.
Pain fading away
like an echo.